


Ex/Exile/Existing vs the Future

by bestliars



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-04
Updated: 2013-02-04
Packaged: 2017-11-28 04:41:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/670390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bestliars/pseuds/bestliars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam wishes he was already asleep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ex/Exile/Existing vs the Future

Sam doesn't want to be drinking alone in a hotel bar in Nashville. He wants to be lying in bed watching bad TV, or maybe asleep already. Instead he’s being a fantastic friend, simply by virtue of staying out of the room he shares with Ebs for the next hour.

Taylor and Jordan realized at the start of the season that Sam would be more willing to exile himself than Hordi. He’s both more romantic and more easily persuaded. They owe him so many favors.

He’s pretty sure he doesn’t want to know what they get up to together. It would probably be good blackmail material, but it wouldn’t be worth the possibility of getting scarred for life. Besides, there are plenty of opportunities for him to make fun of them for things they do with all their clothes on. Sometimes their ridiculousness even makes its way onto the internet or into team propoganda. If they aren’t embarrassed by their public exploits, he doesn’t want to know what they choose to hide behind closed doors.

He can guess well enough.

If he was on a team with his boyfriend he'd probably get up too some hijinks too. He's happy for them. They’re young and in love. It’s beautiful.

He isn’t lonely, he’s just alone. There isn’t anything wrong with that. 

He's focused on hockey. The game keeps him occupied, except for in rare moments like this. Most of the time it’s fine. He’s focused on hockey, just like John is focused on hockey. They’re both far too focused to date.

This wasn’t Sam’s decision, but it is one he understands. Maintaining anything that resembled a functioning relationship was close to impossible for stretches last season. Sam repeatedly found himself losing track of the fact that he had a boyfriend who he cared for very much. Their relationship didn’t receive the attention it deserved last season. Sam wasn’t shocked that when summer ended John said they shouldn’t try to date any more. It wasn’t about what they felt for each other, it was about how they both make really shitty boyfriends, at least during the hockey season.

The season doesn’t last forever though. Summer is coming, and Sam doesn’t see why the summer ahead of him can’t be like the summer behind him. He spent the summer with John, and it was fantastic til the end where John said they should break up.

John was right to call out their problems but breaking up was a drastic action. Sam went along with this idea because arguing when they didn’t have time to figure things out would have only made things worse. They’ll have a whole summer to put things right. Dating doesn’t work and being broken up doesn’t work so they’ll have to come up with a creative situation.

Sam doesn’t care if they also see other people. He doesn’t care if they only talk once a week. He doesn’t care if their relationship looks weird to everyone else, he cares that it exists.

Quantifying the value of something existing on like, a conceptual level, isn't something that Sam wants to think about much. Just posing the question is enough to make his brain hurt. It exists in memories, it will exist in the future. This season will just have been a little blip in the middle. He used to date John and then they stopped dating for stupid reasons, and soon they'll date again.

His belief in this future is a strong, almost physically solid presence that he keeps with him. Maybe he isn't really drinking alone, maybe he's drinking with his hopes for the future.

No, that's ridiculous. The point is that this future can't leave him because it hasn't happened yet. It will though. Then it will become the past, it will become memories, which won't leave him either. It's important to have things like this, things that can't walk away.

John walked away once. Sam let him. That won’t happen again.

It is possible to date someone and and play hockey in the NHL. They’re surrounded by teammates who manage to make it work. If dating and playing hockey weren’t possible simultaneously, Sam wouldn’t be sexiled from his room right now. Taylor and Jordan are lucky to play on the same team, while Sam and John contend with playing in different conferences. It’s still nice to see that having a relationship is a thing that can be done. Knowing this makes Sam’s hope for the future feel particularly bright.

He doesn’t mind hiding in the hotel bar, not really. It kind of sucks, but he knows it’s for a good cause. Staying away from his bed for an extra hour means that Taylor and Jordan get an hour to themselves, an hour they want because they love each other, and how can Sam say no to that? He believes in love, and he believes in working to make things work.

He’s tired, but if staying up—he looks at his wristwatch, watches seconds pass by, killing time—if staying up for another twenty minutes means being of service to people in love, well, he can stay up for another twenty minutes, maybe even a full half hour.

He believes that love exists, and he believes in the future, that he can make a future out of being in love with John. He believe these things very much. In moments like this, where he’s tired, and alone, and can’t focus on hockey, it is these beliefs that make him remember that life is not so bad at all.

**Author's Note:**

> I complain about how Sam doesn’t get enough happy endings, and how he deserves all of the nice things, and then I go and write this.
> 
> this is set sometime last season. (because obviously Sam's plan worked, he got to win the Spengler cup and spend Christmas with his bf this year.)
> 
> thanks to Stellarer for the beta, telling me to write a better ending. <3


End file.
